Before you can receive something, you have to give it away.
If you want it, first let it go.
BETTER CHECK YO’ SELF
In the last six months, my whole life has changed, again. I ended an eleven year career in Elementary Education (due to the universe providing the most epic and fortunate timing in history for me, AMEN!), and moved into 800 square feet of adorableness – with my two kids. It’s. . .charming and um, cozy. I also took a huge leap of faith and dove headfirst into the life of an entrepreneur. As in, balls to the wall, no holds barred, all hanging out there, every cent to my name dedicated to making this work. Oh, and just for fun, I also started a part time gig at not one, but two colleges. Gulp.
So, to say the least, I’ve had quite an adjustment period finding my new groove. And for sure, it’s been awesome, amazing, life changing, fan-bleeping-tastic. It’s also scary sometimes, and strange, and not surprisingly, has quite the steep learning curve.
Managing my time has proven to be my biggest challenge to date. I know I am not even remotely alone in this struggle; we are a nation of go, go, go, multitask masters, measure our efficiency and push it to the max. This is great, sort of. It also can result in a constant state of anxiety as those “musts” and “shoulds” and “have to’s” build up in such paramount quantities we cannot cut ourselves a break, ever. Some might call this “tightly wound, ” I call it “overfuckingwhelmed.”
This is the paradigmatic behavior of the guilty. Every time we take a break to do something “fun” (read- not work) we cannot actually relax because we are certain that unfinished business incarnated is lurking around every corner. It’s there, just waiting to catch us, slap us on the wrist, and send our reluctant asses back to work.
Ya feel me? Well I’ve been there, done that, got over it and quit doing it. I was happy. Money. Golden. Glowing with happiness actually. Then, I had a bit of relapse. Not a huge one, not in all areas of my life, but noticeably. In my search to: a) take on the world; b) seize the day, all day, every day; c) redefine my career and title (cuz’ I love me some labels, label me the label maker, please); and d) figure out what end was up, I got a little sidetracked. Go ahead and smirk here. I can own it. My name is Michelle, and I’m an overachiever.
When the initial excitement started to wear off and shit got real, I resorted to some old habits of inviting and then poorly managing stress. Procrastination and I got back together, found our BFF necklaces and started making daily public appearances. Instead of leaning into discomfort, I found ways to avoid dealing with it. I stopped paying close attention to the things that help me stay balanced, such as setting realistic expectations for myself, and instead allowed negative energy to enter my life again. Basically, I got too comfortable in my little personal time-out from reality and stopped using my CTFD toolkit like I had been.
As example, the last couple of weeks have been a little bit of a tailspin for me. For a whole host of reasons, most likely with fear of failure at the forefront (recall that I am highly skilled at ROB), I have put off doing things I know are high priorities and then when I sit down to do them, I start multitasking so much that I end up actually producing very little. Like, at all. Unless you count pinning funny quotes on Pinterest, making appearances in local coffee shops while kinda sorta working, reading interesting articles on twitter and stalking other people’s blogs productive. In which case – winner, winner, chicken dinner!
So, determined to get my game tight again, this morning I sat down at my computer at 5am like I always do, to drink my tea, read my newsfeeds, journal and do my blog brain dump ( for more on this, see my No More Excuses post ). As luck would have it, the universe decided to throw some good shit my way, and on Spotify radio popped “Better Check Yo’ Self” (you know,. . . before you wreck yo’ self). Not only did it bring an ENORMOUS grin to my face from memories of bustin’ a move on the dance floor as a teen, it was exactly the kick in the pants I needed.
Yes, universe, you in your infinite wisdom, are correct. Nothing like some Ice Cube to do you a solid (yes, pun intended). It’s time to suck it up and get my act together before I hit a downward spiral right back out of all the good habits I’ve spent the last year learning and go right back to the corner of “basket” and “case,” cross streets for “zantac” and “medical deductible.” EEEERRRRRCHHHHHH. Hit the brakes, Jake. This girl ain’t going back there.
So, I’m pulling out the toolkit again. And this time, I’m going to share it, one bit at a time. One tip, one moment, one chunk of advice as the universe sees fit for me to share it. The trials, the failures, the ridiculous moments, the belly laughs at myself and the fall down to the floor crying parts. The technical, practical advice and the completely random thoughts and wild card ideas. All of it. That’s the reason I started this blog, is to inspire and to help others. So if sharing this learning helps even one person besides me then I’ve done good. And hey, if it helps you, please pass it along to others. I’m just sayin’, spread the love people.