Lately I’ve had the opportunity to experience a whole lot of new ambiguity in my life. I’ve been getting very comfortable with change, lots of it. Heaps and heaps of it actually. A good deal by choice, some by circumstance (created in part, arguably, by choice) and some just well, because.

This has been equal parts fun and terrifying. Living in this pursuit of mindfulness, of appreciating the moment, of letting go of the past and not overplanning the future has been pretty awesome. And also, to be totally honest, sometimes kind of shitty too.

Here’s the deal:

1. I am a “go girl,” I love spontaneous adventures and plans and I very, very rarely turn down an invitation for fun or to try something new. However;

2. I’m a planner. I know this. My friends know this. The universe knows this and it laughs at me. Often.

   Me: “I’m finally happy” Life: “lol, wait a sec.”

3. Sometimes I just crave a little consistency, a little schedule, a little regularity in my life. It makes me feel sane. And safe. And “normal.”

4. When things go wrong, my old habit was to FIX IT right away. Research it, label it, plan for it and FIX IT, FIX IT, FIX IT!

5. I can find the sunny side of pretty much anything, I really can. As an optimist, I expect the best but to be sure, I absolutely prepare for the worst. This, ironically, can result in a scarcity mindset and genuinely hinder my happiness.

How am I going to deal with this current reality? Well, first I’m going to make a list. Then I’m going to handle that list, and then I’m going to FIX IT! Just kidding. Sort of. Here’s my not plan/plan. It’s more of a toolkit or a list of things that might be helpful to try, should I feel like following some um, guidelines:

1. Well, good job. Keep doing that. Getting out of my comfort zone helps is a catalyst for growth. So go me, way to start with a positive. I give myself an A+ for this one.

2. But… let’s go ahead and stop planning every.single.thing because girl, today’s headline, hot off the presses is that “LIFE DOESN’T FOLLOW YOUR DAMN PLAN.” In fact, it never has so actually, while it may seem that this ambiguity is new, it’s not. Because when I think about it, life has never followed my plan so even when I planned my plan, it didn’t go as planned. You with me?

This means…that I’ve actually been living in the gray zone pretty much my whole life.

Huh. What a concept. Little bit of a mind blowing idea there, isn’t it? No wonder E.L. James is making so much money, that player knew what was up.

3. I will continue to build in some consistent things and comforts; they are foundational pieces that will allow me to manage change well. I will acknowledge them, be grateful for them, and make time, not excuses, for them. This is tending to the self, and it’s just as important a piece for growth as is broadening my comfort zone.

4. My new instinct, when things don’t go as I had hoped, is to just breathe. To notice my reaction, to notice my surroundings, and to do nothing. That’s right. Do nothing. Just breathe. This is the best yogic lesson ever. My breath will carry me through anything, every single time.  Inhale, bring the good shit in, exhale, let the bullshit out, repeat.

5. Keep being an optimist, but with an abundance mindset. See more of the good and less of the response for the bad. Being an optimist is not about being able to respond to crises because you’ve planned in advance, protected yourself and created an advance S.O.W (Scope of Work, for those not in the know). It’s about being vulnerable, positive, and willing to take a leap of faith, even when you don’t know what’s coming, even when you might be wrong. Even when, gasp, it doesn’t turn out like you planned.

“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”  

~ Lao Tzu

 

and just for fun . . .

 

 

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