SLOW RIDE

So. . . this just happened. I fell asleep in yoga yesterday. Three times. Three. During three different poses across about ten minutes. Not kind of asleep. Not dozing. ASLEEP. Hmmm. Universe dropping a little lesson on me, perhaps? Maybe. Potentially. Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that I actually pulled an all nighter the night before, then taught five classes back to back starting at 8am and ending at 4:20 spending my only “break” driving from one college campus to the next,  assisted the 4:30 class at yoga and then was crazy enough to attempt my own practice following that.

Hmmm. Can we say “overdoing it?” Just a little.

I have been running past my standard gear of fast, blazed right past ridiculous and straight on through morning to ludicrous speed. Well, I got three reminders to slow the fuck down this week. Most likely more than three, actually, but three that were really right there in my face. My little zen naps, a darling love note from my daughter (see end of post) and a big hint from my yoga teacher last night to stop rushing through the poses in a hurry to get to the next thing and just appreciate this moment (timely, no?).

I’ve been working in some capacity more or less from 5am until 11pm every day for several months now. While some things are time constrained, such as when I lecture, for the most part the rest of the days I arrange my schedule with considerable flexibility and can take frequent breaks to exercise, meet with friends or get a grip on the rest of my life. The problem is, in addition to straight up overscheduling myself, I’m not taking breaks to take a break, I’m taking breaks like I’m going to conquer the damn world.

During these “un-break” breaks, I have been doing things like exercising a minimum of twice a day. This is partly because I’m training for events, partly of my endorphin habit and partly because if I’m exercising I theoretically can’t be doing anything else. As in, no laundry, no chauffeuring children places, no conversation, no dealing with real life. However, fortunately but unfortunately, I’m still thinking. Lots of thinking. Can’t seem to get away from that. . .

So, despite my intention to take a little pause in my day, I haven’t even been able to single task anything, whatsoever. I can’t even just exercise. I am not turning it “off” and solely focusing on my breath or my movements or my running. Instead, I’m using these moments of prolonged procrastination to process shit, to plan, to think, to get inspired, to map out next steps for different work projects. This is neither entirely good nor totally bad; but it certainly isn’t mindful behavior, that’s for sure.

I kind of can’t believe I’m still standing. Which, speaking of, seems to be another hint from the universe to CTFD. I have braindump blog post file where I unload my inspiration whenever I have a minute or two. When I opened it today I found this, something I wrote a few weeks ago but could just as easily have been written today:

“It’s 9:10 p.m. and I have sat down exactly four times in the last 12 hours- holding chair pose for 10 breaths at yoga, while having breakfast with a friend this morning, while I worked during the kids 30 minute kids dentist appointment and while driving. Yikes. I didn’t even eat my other meals in a seated position.”

Um. Cough, cough. Ahem. So. Yep. That’s pretty much been how every single day has been. Weekdays are combinations of work and exercise (at least I sit down when I write) and those two tiny days in between are used, Weekend Warrior style, to hit the adventuring road with my little peeps or my girls. Which- sidenote- I just want to give a shoutout to my girlfriends, because I have THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. They take care of me like no one else does and I just love them to pieces. From big things like the weekend forever known as “Project Keep Michelle Distracted” (also referenced as “don’t let her sober up or she’ll start crying again”) to funny posts and quotes thrown my way, those ladies have got my back. Well ditto girlies, right back atcha.

In any case, back to the point. I am over.doing.it. And it’s showing. My energy stores are dipping, my attitude is getting affected and as we as a family adjust to a changes in our schedule, the tone has gotten a bit brusque as of late, for all three of us. No bueno.  FIX IT!

Well now what? There is one of me and two of them. 100 (million) things to get done around the house and just this adult right here to project manage that nonsense. 24 hours in a day with 30 hours of work. Speaking of work, it’s is going well. Really, really, really well. Rather abundant, actually. This is fabulous. This is also why I’m working 18 hour days. One might say that the forest is having a war with the trees in my life right now, and those chuckers are supposed to get along.

So, given the facts that I either can’t easily give the majority of that up, the best I can do is to keep moving forward. One step at a time, literally.  I can exercise maybe just once a day. I can choose to put fewer things on my schedule by saying “no” now and then- this is not easy for a “yes girl” like me but it’s worth trying.

And the rest, like the obligations, Time Management 101 time. Prioritize, stat.  Laundry? Meh. As long as we have clean clothes somewhere who cares how much is left to do. Dusting? Please, why bother? Tidy is good, clutter-no thank you, but sparking clean? Nah. Clean “enough” works for me. Instead of vacuuming the couch, I can sit my ass down on it and chill for thirty minutes. Maybe read the magazines in the stack dated back to October that I haven’t even cracked open the cover of yet (not kidding) or zone out to my favorite show, without also holding my phone, and my computer.

I can check my own tone. I can read the beautiful note from my daughter and focus on the last line. Big love. Big, big, love. Do all things with and from love. Love for them. Love for me. Love for others. If it’s not serving me, my children, or the people in my life, I’m letting it go. Gone. Done.  If I don’t, I’m going to get a bigger lesson than a snooze on a manduka mat, and it might not be something I can repair so easily. This, I can do.  Stress, negativity, muscle tension, sleep deprivation- ain’t nobody got time for that, me included.

photo (15)

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