Feeling a little pissed off? Ability to hide your crazy taking a steep and rapid descent? Having a mini-meltdown, in the middle of the grocery store, on a Monday night? On a scale of stockbroker to stay-at-home mom, how stressed are you feeling?


1. Your shoulders are making cozy with your ears. Like, I think they’re going steady.

2. You are holding back tears, vomit, or both. Either way it just sounds wretched. Yes, wretched, not ratchet, although from my understanding of the word as explained to me by a seventeen year old, maybe that too, given the right scenario. . .

3.  You are walking in circles. Or repeatedly into another room without a purpose. Possibly also up and down the hallway. In any case, it’s freaking the kids out a bit.

4. You are speaking in “grit.” Through your teeth, jaw clenched, eyes narrowed, angry lines fired up and throbbing on your forehead.

5. You suck at communicating. Only your toddler can understand your repeated broken half sentences. Your friends and family aren’t sure if you are regressing, or simply practicing for your years in the old folks home.

6. Certain things, like the sight of laundry, a “to do” list, or homework time, serve as emotional triggers for you and send you running in the opposite direction faster than a man being asked to commit.

7. You have developed adult ADD. Can’t.finish.a.single.ta. . s . . .k. . .   #squirrel!

8. You are packing white knuckles. This is definitely better than brass knuckles but. . . mayyyyyyybe the clenched fists are an indicator there is a problem brewing. Possibly. Just a thought.

9. Your heart skipped a beat, and not in a good way. Right after the epic and virulent sinking of your gut, your heart found a new rhythm- double time.

10. Your body is having a shitstorm. Rapid and unpredictable changes in body temperature as well as ever changing levels of bodily precipitation are occurring. Hot flashes, sweaty palms, dry mouth. All happening. All right now.

Meet one or more of this criteria? Congratulations. You are most likely about to enter the Land of the Lost. Bring an umbrella, the weather there is rather crappy, so I hear.  Or, conversely, CTFD already. Not sure how? Check it; here’s a little list of techniques I’ve borrowed, modified, and completely made up created to get myself down off the metaphorical ledge. Try them out, see if they work for you too. You’ve got nothing to lose but, uh, your own shit.

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