YOU GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO HOLD ‘EM

Last week I got into a debate with a teammate of mine from kickball, over a beer, while watching the Giants in the last inning of the first game of the World Series.

Yes. I’m an adult who plays kickball. No, I’m actually not very good at it. And also, no, I don’t care.

Oh, and (one more) no, we weren’t debating about baseball. Because, hellllooooooo, the Giants were on. And winning. Pretty much nothing to argue about there.

Nope, we were discussing whether or not Mercury was still in retrograde. . .

Yep. At a bar. During the World Series. My kickball teammate and I were discussing astrology. Becuase I’m cool like that. And also because:

  1. My life is ridiculous, but in a good way.
  2. Everything is impermanent.
  3. I sure do say “yes” to a lot of things.
  4. The last twelve months have gone by at lightspeed. No. Wait. Ludicrous speed.
  5. The fact that I thought Mercury was again out of retrograde (yes, I’m admitting I was wrong, add it to the list) shows how very very clear I’ve been getting lately. Finally.

Confused? So was I.

Was. Not am. Was.

Whether you believe it was astrology, coincidence, a fluke, divine intervention, whatever, here’s what I know — February to October was quite a time of change for me, again.

I spent rather large quantities of  time in self reflection. I explored some different career options. I tried a few new schedules (no really, I changed it at least seven times in three months). Hell, I even tried reallllllllllly hard to fall in love with someone else (sidenote- that shit doesn’t work. You can’t force it. It just is what it is. Sidenote #2- duh. Note from the universe- “stop trying to control things Michelle, that’s not your job . . .”).

A bunch of awesome happened. I experienced a lot of growth, a shitload of ambiguity, bucketloads of “I dunno” and put forward a whole lot of effort to manage my reactions to all of that.

No wonder I’m so tired.

However.

How.Ever.

I’m feeling a little bit settled, for once. There is still a lot of unknown, but as a whole, I’ve reached the culmination in my own retrograde, for now at least.

The end result(s)?

  1. I know what I want.
  2. I know (mostly) how to get it.
  3. My break is over. I’m jumping off the rock and swimming again.

Later, rock. Thanks for helping me catch my breath.

How I know it’s time? Because my gut says so, and I’m ready to cease negotiations with it.

Everytime I lean in the direction of my intuition, the universe gives me an assist, a boost, or a fist bump.

Everytime I pull back, resist or oppose, the universe, well, gives me a solid shove in the other direction, usually knocking me on my ass.

So there I was, on the ground, resting on said ass from seven straight weeks of working 12-15 hour days trying to make it all work, doing, well, work, that isn’t aligned with my path.

Well, you know me, I get knocked down, but. . . .

I get up again (insert eye roll here. Or, better, sing it with me).

Well. Ahem. I just got up.

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