A BEAUTIFUL MESS

I caught myself in a pattern last week.

It’s a very familiar pattern, I’ve been creating and doing it for a long time. It’s so familiar to me actually, I’m even going to give it a name — 

 

MORE PLEASE.

 

Yes. That’s it. That’s the one. #nailedit.

 

My go-to strategy for managing my chaos, is to first make the mess bigger.

 

When I get overwhelmed, have too many projects going on, have agreed to too many things, double booked myself for events or appointments, gotten started on a big idea, or even just, like, walked into the kitchen to make lunches, is to throw whatever I’m actually doing on the wait list, and. . .

 

PICK SOMETHING ELSE UP.

 

This is in one move both the most intelligent coping mechanism ever and the most inefficient way to work possible. If it weren’t for last minute deadlines, sprints and jobs that require short bursts of intense energy I’m really not sure I would get much done.

Changing tasks, roles, or directions gives me a sense of movement. Movement equates to achievement, which equals a calmed nervous system. It’s distraction. It’s really fucking effective at giving me a sense of relief for not finishing whatever I’ve already started.

It’s excuse, costumed in purpose.

 

And. Sometimes that’s fine. Sometimes the things that don’t hold my attention don’t really need to be there anyway. Sometimes it’s the universe’s way of showing me what I’m really supposed to be doing.

And many times, it’s just, plain, ineffective.

When I say yes to everything, I’m often actually saying no to anything. Too many yesses cancel each other out, and, left unable to complete them all, eventually turn into a big, juicy, painful

N

O

I am not, much to my ego’s dismay, actually superhuman. I cannot actually be in two places at once. I cannot really give attention to multiple things simultaneously. I can’t actually, do “it” all, well.

This week, I’m beginning again, in a new, simpler way. I’m taking a look at my current time and energy basket, and I’m only checking out with the things that help me show up at my best — for them, and for me.

I’m going to say no, to be a yes.

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