I’ve spent the better part of this year seeking softness, learning how I can move more gently, speak with more love, offer myself and others compassion and explore exactly what being a yes means to me.
And, at the same time, I’ve been moving from a place of real, not simply “nice.” Yes, these two concepts — softness and realness — can co-exist.
Real is honest, present and clear about where I am, what my intentions are, and what assists me in staying in alignment. Real is soft, because it is choosing to see myself as I am, and not as what I believe I should be. Soft is seeing situations and interactions as an act of or a cry for love, and real is not assigning them additional meaning.
Soft and real together are what happens when I stay out of the box and stand in my true north.
Nice, on the other hand, is what happens when my efforts to be loving are derailed by assumptions, avoidance of conflict, and the conscious decision to do things that don’t serve me. Nice, is how I end up in beautiful messes and as alternate versions of myself.
Being real takes work, in the beginning. Being nice is easy, at first.
Some days, I have this line dialed in like my best friends phone number. Other days, it manifests as slightly more . . . bitchy; it’s a hard fast fall from here to there. But I’m learning, and I’m catching myself when I lose my gaze. I’m noticing that real looks a whole lot better on me than nice, and I like the way that feels.
I can be kind, and generous, and loving, and authentic, and not nice, when I am REAL.
Real is saying no to things that don’t serve me and leaving myself available to show up fully where I am, nice is saying yes anyway and then arriving with one foot out the door.
Real is accepting it when I’m too far out of my wheelhouse and deliberatly choosing the things that are; nice is working eighty hour weeks to close the gap.
Real is staying home with a significant injury to take care of myself and rest, nice is going to training anyway so I can maintain appearances and then coming home debilitated and weak.
Real is energetically stepping away from people places and spaces that drain me so I can show up powerfully in the world, nice is sticking around and absorbing their stories and emotions because I’m available and capable.
Real is liking bacon, and organic power greens, and finding a balance between those two that helps my body to meet its varied needs, nice is eating whatever is trending in my social circles.
Real is doing me. Nice is doing you.
I chose real over nice, happy over right, contentment over perfection, and softness over rigidity.
Who are you going to be today? Tomorrow? After that? When you catch yourself being nice, take a glance in the mirror and decide who walks away from that insight. If it doesn’t fit well, the option to turn around and try something new requires nothing but a slight turn of foot and mind.
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