I’m sitting on my couch late at night on a Friday reflecting on this year, its lessons, its pain, its growth, and looking for the light parts. Looking hard.

I’m here in maternity sweatpants with a sweater stretched over my bouncing and expanding belly, wearing a messy bun and practically no make-up despite having gone to a movie with my family earlier this evening, and staring at half polished toes I can’t reach.

It feels a lil’ bit different than last year same time. Tad. But then again, all of 2016 felt different. And not really me at my fullest expression for a good chunk of it. It felt a little… out of body, like, literally.  

When I look at the things that make me go, the things that make me a powerful me, I don’t see many of them hidden in the remains of this year.

And that’s good. Because I learned.

My process, the guiding questions to help me see where I am, why and how I got here, and setting my course from this point, are:

1. Get present to my daily activities and habits right now.
2. Compare them to former daily activities and habits.
3. Get present to my mindset and thought patterns right now.
4. Compare them to my former mindset and thought patterns.
5. Look for differences, changes, and growth in both areas.
6. Consider what has contributed to those changes.
7. Decide which of those contributions I no longer care to hold, and which I wish to grow.
8. Get very clear on what I am choosing to let go of, and what I am choosing to invite into my life and space.
9. Set goals for how I want to show up and where I want to be in 2017 and write them down.
10. Align my activities, habits and mindset with and to those goals.  

Here’s how that looks so far:

I feel less powerful, more tired, softer, and needing more validation that is usual for me. I feel vulnerable and seeking of validation, but also very real, very authentic and very grounded.

I notice thoughts of gratitude, joy and love mixed with guilt, fear, anger and doubt. I hear myself fighting with the realities of daily life and the voice of my true north. I hear tapes of inadequacy being replayed in my head, and sense that familiar feeling of unworthiness return to my gut. And, I see myself as willing and open and kind. I know I am capable.

I haven’t been able to run, to practice, to write, to travel, to spend time with my friends, and to GO like I usually do. I haven’t had much time to fill up my own buckets because I’ve been using them to douse fires, water other flowers, and feed the mouths and ideas of others.

I have gotten very real with who I am, what I want, and what my skills are.

I don’t see myself in my physical body in ways that I need and crave, I don’t hear music surrounding me, I don’t feel the words pouring out of me onto the pages, and I am not surrounding myself with higher vibrations and energies.

So,

I choose to release fear and doubt. I choose to release limitation. I choose to release judgment and perfection. I choose to release convention, expectation and pressure.

I choose to invite in trust, and love, and power. I choose to invite in adventure, and creativity, and movement and freedom and permission.

I choose to expand.

In 2017, I choose to show up powerfully, with love and acceptance, and with determination and focus. My goals are to:

1. Be a loving , supportive and powerful self
2. Be a loving and supporting parent
3. Be a loving and supportive partner
4. Support my community in growth and wellness
5. Grow my writing career
6. Regain my physical strength and activity level
7. Make travel, play, and adventure a regular part of our lives

To do that I commit to:

1. Daily journaling and weekly writing
2. Daily movement
3. Turning the music up
4. Giving myself and my time boundaries
5. Being present for and with my family
6. Listening more than I talk
7. Seeing my partner and his needs
8. Delegating tasks
9. Surrounding myself with my tribe
10. Scheduling playtime

That’s all. It’s as simply complex as that. Power, Love, Acceptance.

My darling 2017, welcome. Shall we dance?

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