I’m sitting on my couch late at night on a Friday reflecting on this year, its lessons, its pain, its growth, and looking for the light parts. Looking hard.
I’m here in maternity sweatpants with a sweater stretched over my bouncing and expanding belly, wearing a messy bun and practically no make-up despite having gone to a movie with my family earlier this evening, and staring at half polished toes I can’t reach.
It feels a lil’ bit different than last year same time. Tad. But then again, all of 2016 felt different. And not really me at my fullest expression for a good chunk of it. It felt a little… out of body, like, literally.
When I look at the things that make me go, the things that make me a powerful me, I don’t see many of them hidden in the remains of this year.
And that’s good. Because I learned.
My process, the guiding questions to help me see where I am, why and how I got here, and setting my course from this point, are:
- Get present to my daily activities and habits right now.
- Compare them to former daily activities and habits.
- Get present to my mindset and thought patterns right now.
- Compare them to my former mindset and thought patterns.
- Look for differences, changes, and growth in both areas.
- Consider what has contributed to those changes.
- Decide which of those contributions I no longer care to hold, and which I wish to grow.
- Get very clear on what I am choosing to let go of, and what I am choosing to invite into my life and space.
- Set goals for how I want to show up and where I want to be in 2017 and write them down.
- Align my activities, habits and mindset with and to those goals.
Here’s how that looks so far:
I feel less powerful, more tired, softer, and needing more validation that is usual for me. I feel vulnerable and seeking of validation, but also very real, very authentic and very grounded.
I notice thoughts of gratitude, joy and love mixed with guilt, fear, anger and doubt. I hear myself fighting with the realities of daily life and the voice of my true north. I hear tapes of inadequacy being replayed in my head, and sense that familiar feeling of unworthiness return to my gut. And, I see myself as willing and open and kind. I know I am capable.
I haven’t been able to run, to practice, to write, to travel, to spend time with my friends, and to GO like I usually do. I haven’t had much time to fill up my own buckets because I’ve been using them to douse fires, water other flowers, and feed the mouths and ideas of others.
I have gotten very real with who I am, what I want, and what my skills are.
I don’t see myself in my physical body in ways that I need and crave, I don’t hear music surrounding me, I don’t feel the words pouring out of me onto the pages, and I am not surrounding myself with higher vibrations and energies.
I choose to release fear and doubt. I choose to release limitation. I choose to release judgment and perfection. I choose to release convention, expectation and pressure.
I choose to invite in trust, and love, and power. I choose to invite in adventure, and creativity, and movement and freedom and permission.
I choose to expand.
In 2017, I choose to show up powerfully, with love and acceptance, and with determination and focus. My goals are to:
- Be a loving , supportive and powerful self
- Be a loving and supporting parent
- Be a loving and supportive partner
- Support my community in growth and wellness
- Grow my writing career
- Regain my physical strength and activity level
- Make travel, play, and adventure a regular part of our lives
To do that I commit to:
- Daily journaling and weekly writing
- Daily movement
- Turning the music up
- Giving myself and my time boundaries
- Being present for and with my family
- Listening more than I talk
- Seeing my partner and his needs
- Delegating tasks
- Surrounding myself with my tribe
- Scheduling playtime
That’s all. It’s as simply complex as that. Power, Love, Acceptance.
My darling 2017, welcome. Shall we dance?
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365 new days, 365 new opportunities.