I hope they are able to look back, look now, and look later, and know that they are enough just as they are. What I hope to teach them, instead, is to pivot without attachment, to regulate their own emotions, and to empower them to be them.
And that thing leads me to another good thing, and another, and another. I do work hard, I do sweat, I do move my body in ways that challenge me, but I do it on my terms, for my purposes, and because it feels good to ME. I choose to create momentum that builds a pathway to movement for and with my body because I deserve to FEEL as amazing as I already am.
No matter how hard I push that brake pedal, nothing happens. The car keeps moving, barely slowing down.
The dark presence of my embodied guilt following me into every room, sitting with me in my chair and gently tapping my shoulder to remind me — “not finished, not finished, not finished.”
I can set off a chain reaction of intense, painful, obsessive thoughts, or I can simply allow the thought to pass, and redirect my energy into something useful and positive.
But I can’t keep showing up for everyone else when I’m not showing up for myself. I can’t. I physically cannot. I emotionally cannot. I mentally cannot. I have got to RELENTLESSLY ATTEND TO MY OWN SELF CARE.