We have no structure anymore, just things that need to get done, eventually. I have zoom calls to be on, tasks to complete, research to do. He wants my attention. And food. So much food. But mostly my attention, my undivided, focused, enthusiastic attention. I just want sleep. And more coffee. And more sleep. I’m so tired all the time now.
But I can’t keep showing up for everyone else when I’m not showing up for myself. I can’t. I physically cannot. I emotionally cannot. I mentally cannot. I have got to RELENTLESSLY ATTEND TO MY OWN SELF CARE.
When we keep climbing the stairs of our lives, going up, and up, and up, and never pausing to look around as see how far we’ve climbed, or who is with is, it won’t just take our breath away when we finally do. It’ll knock the fucking wind out of us, lay us out on the beds we made and ask us to love them.
FIFTH CHAKRA: Vishuddha, the Throat Chakra. The right to speak.
NO. TIRED. I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED AS FUCK.
“You think can just entirely get rid of something about yourself?” I recently heard a someone say, “No. Whoever told you that is a liar!” “Well no,” I’d replied, “I just keep thinking that if I work hard enough it will like… go into remission or something.” Ha. I guess it kind of works like … Continue reading Ain’t That Some Shit
Get clear about why, craft your possibility of what, and . . . FUCKING ASK FOR IT.
I’m sitting on my couch late at night on a Friday reflecting on this year, its lessons, its pain, its growth, and looking for the light parts. Looking hard. I’m here in maternity sweatpants with a sweater stretched over my bouncing and expanding belly, wearing a messy bun and practically no make-up despite having gone … Continue reading TAKE A LOOK AROUND
Specific does not mean narrow. It does not mean only one way. It means a definitive result earned on an open-ended route. You can choose what, but you don’t really get to choose how.
And, I’ve been holding onto this premise that there is some magical exception to the rule, and maybe I could be it. I suppose I believed that if I tried enough varieties of shit, put my time into testing them out and paid my dues, then I’d get to live the rest of my life basically shit free.