LOST STARS

It’s Saturday night. I’ve been running around doing all the things all day and now I’m sitting in the backseat of a Lyft driver’s car with my ten year old son. We’re on our way to his first big concert, tickets in hand for Lower Level seats for the Maroon 5 show at the Golden One Center. My son has told the driver he’s heading to his first big concert and the driver is now recounting his own first experience. He’s grinning and laughing and telling the story with joy and detail, his voice inflecting, hands gesturing, body relaxed.

And then it hits me.

Someday, this is the story that my son will tell about his first concert. This moment, right now, the story of the two of us in the backseat on the way to this concert. This is part of a core memory moment.


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SPEAK

FIFTH CHAKRA: Vishuddha, the Throat Chakra. The right to speak.

Controls: Thyroid gland.

Archetypes: Positive- The Communicator, Negative- The Silent Child.

Color: Turquoise, as a combination of the fourth chakra (heart, green) and the sixth chakra, (brow, blue).

Qualities: will, communication, creativity, truthfulness, integrity.

Life issues: to harness your will, express your highest truth, to live creatively.

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WHY

Mid January. Two weeks into the New Year. Somewhere between establishing new habits and abandoning them completely.

Yes?

Yes.

Here’s what keeps coming up for me:

Start with the end in mind.

Everywhere I look. Everywhere I turn. Everything I read. Every time I create a marketing piece for the studio, program a workshop or training, or set quarterly goals. Some variation of setting an intention and creating action around that energy. I hear my teachers sharing it. I see it on other blogs, and posts, and in curriculum, and in the books on my nightstand begging me to finish them.

Start.With the END.In Mind.

And, I’ve been trying this out on a daily basis, instead of just big picture, zoom out a year from now, what am I inviting into my life kind of work. I’ve been applying to my daily interactions, habits, actions, and thoughts. And, I’ve been writing it down using my Best Self planner, which was a suggestion from my teacher.

This planner works differently than most. It’s not about listing shit to do, or prioritizing the shit, or labeling and categorizing the shit. Or tasking the shit out of the shit.

It’s not about the shit itself, it’s about identifying WHY you want to do the shit in the first place, and then choosing your actions based on that.

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ASK

It’s been quiet on this front. I know.

This time, it’s not because I was in a dark spot. It’s not because I was so tired and sick. Or so overwhelmed. Or so confused. I was all of those things, for a little bit, again, but that isn’t why I’ve been silent so many days.  

2015 was such a big year for me. Actually, 2013-2015 were HUGE. Epically, life altering, never-gonna-be-the-same kind of years. So much YES, so much change, so much love, so much joy, so much trial, so much failure, so many restarts. After that kind of action, it makes sense that a cycle of stillness and settling would follow.

It was like the part of meditation where your brain is finally quiet enough that you can stop and look around and see what’s floating around in there with you. When the noise is off, when the dust has settled, when the pause comes, then you can step back and examine the picture you’ve been so busily crafting. Continue reading

WANDER

They say when you find the right one you just know. They say things will just match up, that your heart and your head and your gut will all be saying the same thing. They say you won’t doubt it, or yourself.

They say that when you find the one, you’ll suddenly realize why all those that came before it didn’t work out. They say because when you find the right fit, it just, works, no forcing, no compromising, no negotiation. Existence without resistance.

That’s true for love anyway, in my experience. That’s exactly how it worked for me. But what if “it” is a job? What if “it” is a purpose? What if “it” is the thing that you make your life’s work?

Right. About that. . .

Here I am 35, three or ten career changes past the one I picked when I was six years old, and I still don’t know what the fuck I want to be when I grow up. I mean I do, kinda, but I’m totally not doing it, yet. Continue reading

CHOICES

You know how there are those people that just do one job their whole lives, they have one distinct style of dress and decorating, they know exactly what kind of wine to get because they always get the same one, and they’re the first one to order when you go out because they read the menu before you got there and decided between the two things that they like as soon as they sat down?

Yeah. This is not me.

I walk into BevMo and see seven aisles of floor to ceiling beer, and I can’t even figure out if I should walk right or left, or back out the door I came in. The bulk discount of six bottles or more makes me feel relieved, not because I’ll pay less, but because I don’t have to make quite as many choices. Except of course, I do. Because choosing six from 600 is just as difficult for me as one from three.  

Paralysis by FOMO.

What if I choose the wrong one? If I do this, I’m not doing that. If I choose this, I won’t have room for that.

This looks the same in my work life. Maybe I can do this. Maybe that. Oooooh, maybe that! Dinner time is not better. Don’t even get me started about shoe shopping. And on a non first world problems level, it looks the same when I’m making parenting decisions, especially about where my kids are spending time, with whom, and how.

I want to get it right.

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ALL I (GOTTA) DO IS ZOOMA ZOOM ZOOM

I absolutely adore Mondays.

Yes. Me. I love them. They’re my favorite. Better than Friday even.

Mondays are my vibe day. My creative day. My wear yoga clothes all day, day, my big hearty breakfast day, my work from home in my beautiful office, seated in my cushy turquoise chair, sunlight streaming in the window and warming my feet as I type and schedule and research and drink coffee and and play music day.

On Mondays the kids always get to school on time.

Doesn’t that sound just perfect?

Tuesdays, usually we’re on time. By Wednesdays we’re playing with tardy slip fire. And then the week wraps up, and I’ve gone to a half dozen meetings, a handful of events, written a thousand e-mails, spent three hours on the phone, made eye contact with my husband, cooked meals while helping with homework, played a board game or five, and gotten everyone everywhere to all their things somewhat close to on time. Continue reading

HOLD PLEASE

$780. That’s how much my Tuesday cost. Seven hundred and eighty dollars, and three hours out of my day.

I walked out of a meeting, smile on my face, ready to continue what had already been a great start to the day, and then I saw a boot on my front wheel.

Parking tickets. I might have had a few. Maybe three. Or four. Actually. . . five. Five tickets, one of which was still in my purse. Um. Oops. I guess the mental “fuck off” I sent the City of Sacramento when I got them didn’t make it to the right department on time.

Or did it?

The cost of that energetic message? So much more than the money I didn’t have. So, much more than the time spent in line, waiting. And on the street, waiting.  And on the phone, waiting.

The cost of this waiting is high.

Procrastination. The art of later. This waiting, the kind born out of busy-ness, of avoidance, or boredom, or of fear, is unproductive. Continue reading

SUCCESS

Failure, and its perception thereof, is a tricky bitch.

Failure can be good; it’s how we learn, it’s how we grow, it’s how we get better at . . . not, failing.

But. Failure also doesn’t feel good. It can come with labels, with guilt, with expectations, with judgment. The worst part of failure, in my experience, is that feeling of letting someone down. Of being the opposite of successful.

It’s the feeling of disappointment.

 

Growing up, the very worst punishment of all, the ultimate consequence, was knowing I had disappointed my parents. I’d rather have missed every dance, every sporting event, every social gathering, than to disappoint them.  Continue reading

HEADSPACE

I have had a pretty inspiring 30 days. I’ve been fortunate enough to have attended three trainings in three different cities and a full day TEDx experience right here, front row, in my own city.

I’ve been working with a few clients on their personal growth, and creating content about the brain and change management with some others.  I’ve been reading a lot, spending time with some of the brightest, most insightful, most inspired and inspiring people I’ve ever met.

Basically, I’ve spent the last thirty or so days dedicated to filling my brain up endorphins, positive thoughts, and setting goals and intentions. Continue reading