IN, NOT OUT

It took me a long time to grow into myself. Not just because my brain needed some time to catch up and adapt to the constantly extending limbs of my nearly six foot frame, but also it took longer than I’d like to admit to develop some fluency in . . . prudence.

HERE

Missed the intro? Read Part One Here In the last few years I’ve learned a lot about how my anxiety became so hardwired into my being, and how it shows up in so many places in my life today. Places I never had considered anxiety could live. Behaviors I never had the language to a … Continue reading HERE

Falling

There’s really nothing like dual pandemics to invite in some reflection, is there? There’s really no escape. Nowhere to go to reset. No friends to visit. No hugs. No water cooler to gather ‘round. No community to be in and with. Not a whole lot to do to occupy the mind, except for all the … Continue reading Falling

WAKING UP: PART THREE

I am angry. I am so, so angry. White people posting about their liberty being taken away. Showing up to the state capitol with assault rifles in protest that we've been asked to keep our white ass home while a black woman in Kentucky is shot to death in her own bed by police officers … Continue reading WAKING UP: PART THREE

WAKING UP: PART ONE

We have no structure anymore, just things that need to get done, eventually. I have zoom calls to be on, tasks to complete, research to do. He wants my attention. And food. So much food. But mostly my attention, my undivided, focused, enthusiastic attention. 

I just want sleep. And more coffee. And more sleep. 

I’m so tired all the time now. 

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE: PART THREE

Welcome back. This is part three of a three part series on the question of ethical fitness business ownership and operation during the Coronavirus pandemic. You can read part one here, and part two here, if you haven’t already.  Hi again. Thanks for seeing this thing through and getting to part three. It’s a lot, … Continue reading CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE: PART THREE

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE: PART ONE

Dear Fellow Fitness Business Owners, I see you. This is hard.  You worked so hard to build something, maybe even from nothing, maybe not. Maybe you saw a need and had a skill that could fill it. Maybe you decided people agreed that you, specifically you, should fill this need. Or maybe you just wanted … Continue reading CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE: PART ONE

What Even Is This?

Plan and control- fight, control and avoid- flight, or confusion- freeze.
That’s it. That’s where I live, every day. Over, and over, and over. That, and the dishes.
I haven’t been able to get to a place of grounded acceptance. I haven’t been able to stay present for more than a few minutes. I haven’t been able to hold my shit together for so much as a half a day.
I’m working to be okay with that part first, before I move on to actually trying to be okay.

Just Choose

I hope they are able to look back, look now, and look later, and know that they are enough just as they are.  What I hope to teach them, instead, is to pivot without attachment, to regulate their own emotions, and to empower them to be them.

GO SOFTLY NOW

And that thing leads me to another good thing, and another, and another. I do work hard, I do sweat, I do move my body in ways that challenge me, but I do it on my terms, for my purposes, and because it feels good to ME.

I choose to create momentum that builds a pathway to movement for and with my body because I deserve to FEEL as amazing as I already am.