The Bullpen

I didn’t have the words then to know then that this is what anxiety feels like. Head spinning, palms sweaty, unable to focus. Irritated, agitated, full of worry and doubt.

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BUT I CAN’T SIT DOWN

The dark presence of my embodied guilt following me into every room, sitting with me in my chair and gently tapping my shoulder to remind me — “not finished, not finished, not finished.”

CHAIN REACTION

I can set off a chain reaction of intense, painful, obsessive thoughts, or I can simply allow the thought to pass, and redirect my energy into something useful and positive.

TRUTH

But I can’t keep showing up for everyone else when I’m not showing up for myself. I can’t. I physically cannot. I emotionally cannot. I mentally cannot. I have got to RELENTLESSLY ATTEND TO MY OWN SELF CARE.

LOST STARS

When we keep climbing the stairs of our lives, going up, and up, and up, and never pausing to look around as see how far we’ve climbed, or who is with is, it won’t just take our breath away when we finally do. It’ll knock the fucking wind out of us, lay us out on the beds we made and ask us to love them.

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS: EPISODE FOUR

So, we did this crazy thing called buying a business while both working full time and having a baby and parenting two big kids and we’ve been living in a time vacuum since last October or so. I often forget what year it is. 2020? 2018? HOW MANY YEARS JUST HAPPENED TODAY?

TAKE A LOOK AROUND

I’m sitting on my couch late at night on a Friday reflecting on this year, its lessons, its pain, its growth, and looking for the light parts. Looking hard. I’m here in maternity sweatpants with a sweater stretched over my bouncing and expanding belly, wearing a messy bun and practically no make-up despite having gone … Continue reading TAKE A LOOK AROUND