Disclaimer- I totally stole this idea from another blog– it was too brilliant not to repeat. Permission to perpetuate the concept in your own life.

So what’s the deal, exactly? Well, I took a standard, run of the mill “somewhere over the rainbow” docket of hopes and dreams,  fed it a solid diet of creativity, wit and satire (is there another way? I am not familiar with it if there is) and created this clever bucket-list-on-steroids.

The things that made my list aren’t goals, necessarily, but are places I want to go, things I want to see, experiences I’d like to have- my wish list for the universe.  Notably, it includes things over which I have the bulk of responsibility to complete. My abundant aspirations are not dependent on others cooperating, meeting certain requirements, or living up to those dangerous expectations that get us into so much trouble- I can do them alone, or I can do them with company. Either way, I’m putting them out there and watching for opportunities to make them happen. I am open to receive, visualizing to materialize, putting thought into the manifestation of my ideas. If they don’t work out, they don’t work out. Maybe they’ll get moved to my 40 by 40 list. Maybe they won’t. The point is, they are now possible.

So, true to form, here is my sarcastic rendition of the things I aim to do in the next two years (oh yeah, I’m giving myself right up through day 364 of being 35 to knock this out, given the late start and all).

1. Go to a Cirque de Soleil show in Vegas. Actually, just go to Vegas. At 33, the fact that I’ve never been is getting a bit embarrassing.

2. Eat a croissant in Paris on top of the Eiffel Tower. Because who doesn’t want pastry crumbs on their cheek during photo opps?

3. Run through the Louvre. Dont.get.caught. I hear the jail in France is just miserable. . . hahahahaha.

4. Zipline in Costa Rica. Do not run into any snakes, spiders, lizards or other creepy crawly things along the way. Howler monkeys included.

5. Drive the Italian coastline in an Italian car. Maybe a hot Italian man can be the driver. . . hey, it could happen. Ciao baby.

6. Teach abroad for the summer. Somewhere where the risk of me not returning home has more to do with choice and less to do with me getting lost at sea or kidnapped.

7. Skydive in the South Pacific. Preferably Bora Bora or Tahiti, via a Four Seasons resort, if I’m being specific . . .

8. Donate or raise at least $10,000 for a charity. A real charity, where the money actually goes to the people in need, not to administrators or overhead.

9. Hike up a glacier. Sing “Ice, Ice, Baby” the whole way up. Do this without falling, . . . much.

10. Hike half dome. High five a park ranger. Do not contract the hantavirus from the park rodents. Do not fall off during photo shoot at the peak.

11. Watch the Red Sox play at Fenway Park in Boston. Ride there in a cah, go to the bah and sit near someone’s ma.

12. Go to the Yale campus. Take a selfie standing by the sign. Post it on Instagram with the caption “I went to Yale.” Repeat at Harvard. Laugh ironically at subpar joke.

13. Eat an Apple (a big one) at the foot of the Statue of Liberty. Chase the ironic healthy moment with a piece of cheesecake and possibly also a hot dog, with onions, and sauerkraut, and mustard. Cuz’ why not?

14. Run a marathon in Greece. I mean, If I’m going to run 26 miles (again) it may as well be somewhere amazing, like where Hercules (and Aristotle) hung out. Just saying.

15. Run at least three miles in at least ten more states. My idea is to run in all fifty states before I turn 50, and I’m somewhere in the neighborhood of ten now so. . .   gotta get my run on, stat.

16. Go skiing in Banff, Canada. I mean really. Have you SEEN the hotel there? I think I might die of pure magical winter wonderland happiness before I even make it onto the chair lift.

17. Eat poutine in Montreal. It looks kind of disgusting, to be honest, but in a super intriguing way. Nuevo-junk food. Yummy.

18. Be on the Amazing Race. I want to say WIN The Amazing Race but . . . I’ll settle for just getting on the show. My hunt for a partner is on, btw, if you can handle all of THIS.

19. Give a Ted Talk. 18 minutes of time on camera in front of a live audience, being witty and charming and sharing my wisdom with the world? YES PLEASE.  To whom do I speak to about this?

20. Have a book published. As in, not self-published, but a make a line at Barnes and Noble for a signature on your book jacket kind of deal because someone, somewhere thinks my prose is genius enough that people will actually pay to read it.

21. Purchase a car made in this decade. A BMW would be awesome but I’ll settle for something with say, a USB port and bluetooth. And possibly fully functioning automatic windows, I can handle that too.

22. Syndicate my blog. Because it’s hi-lar-ious. And helpful. It’s hilariously helpful. IMNSHO.

23. Earn my Yoga Teacher Certification and then actually work as a Yoga Teacher. Like for money. Not just at social events when I’m drink-cruiting.

24. Do yoga on the beach in Southeast Asia or Indonesia. Say “ommmmmm.” Also say “vaccinations.” And “water purification.” And “pepto bismal.”

25. Master Handstand and titibasana (that shit is hard).

26. Take a safari trip in Africa. Take pictures of lions, and zebras and giraffes and shit. Do not get chased by a rhinoceros or any other wildlife I am skilled enough to accidentally provoke.

27. Ride a camel in the desert. Don’t get kicked or spit on by said dromedary.

28. Complete a triathlon. A real one. Not just my Block Party Olympics, although that’s fun too.

29. Do a pub crawl in Ireland. Stop and rest at a local Inn when experiencing signs of wobbling so as not to reach the point of actual crawling.

30. Drive through New England in the Fall in a convertible. Wear Chanel shades and a scarf. Maintain perfect hair throughout journey.

31. Raft on the Rio Grande in the Grand Canyon. Don’t fall out, often.

32. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon over Yellowstone National Park. Resist the urge to drop something on someone’s head.

33. Have a picnic lunch in the Alps. Lederhosen optional.

34. Hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, climb the steps (all 3,000+), meditate in the Sacred Plaza. Strike a pose with a llama (probably the one that has been carrying all my shit for the last four days) and caption the photo “Is Your Mama a Llama?”

35. Leap off the Auckland Harbour Bridge in Waitemata Harbour in New Zealand (attached to a Bungy cord, calm down)- yell “YOW-WEE” the whole way down. Do not toss my cookies from all the bouncing- at least on film.