SPEAK

FIFTH CHAKRA: Vishuddha, the Throat Chakra. The right to speak.

Controls: Thyroid gland.

Archetypes: Positive- The Communicator, Negative- The Silent Child.

Color: Turquoise, as a combination of the fourth chakra (heart, green) and the sixth chakra, (brow, blue).

Qualities: will, communication, creativity, truthfulness, integrity.

Life issues: to harness your will, express your highest truth, to live creatively.

For too long I have either pushed too hard or not enough. I have either overestimated my capabilities or hidden in quiet retreat, head ducked, hand down, afraid to shine my own light in case it blinded someone else.

Too big. Too tall. Too loud.

Not good enough. Not interesting enough. Not risky enough. Average. Boring.

Too risky. Too complicated. Too vocal. Too wild.

You see, rarely have I used my voice and my power in a just right amount. Rarely have I believed in myself for long enough, held fast to who I am despite pushback, to stand in my truth for long enough to stay in balance.

It’s been either too much, or not enough. All in, or all the fuck out.

And this created imbalance in my life, and in my body. What was first a whisper became a knock, a push, a scream.

This imbalance is not sustainable. I cannot keep holding on to old stories that limit me. I cannot keep saying yes to so many things. I cannot keep holding space for everyone except myself. I cannot keep letting the opinions of others creep onto the pages of my book; third person narrators influencing the decisions of the main character, ME.

Now that this thing- this cyst on my thyroid, this physical evidence of working too hard, is out—  now I can commit to working toward balance.

My friend said last week a thing about wanting a simple life and then not making choices to support that, and that’s been sitting with me since. If I want balance, I’ve got to start making balanced choices.

I know all the things – self care first, fill up so you can give, live in alignment with your highest good so you can help others do the same. My intellectual self gets it. My emotional self gets it. My physical self feels it. And my ego has been overriding their calls to action.

There has got to be a better way to share my gifts than to deplete myself day after long day. It doesn’t make sense to create stress and tension in my body while I commit to creating places and spaces for others to relieve theirs.

This life I’ve been creating wasn’t created with any space for ME in it.

So now, back on the path. I know what to do. I have all the tools I need. My teachers, and their teachers before them, and their teachers before them have all shared the same thing — Yoga.

The ancient wisdom stands as true as ever— Practice, and ALL. IS. COMING.

Thus, to my seat I go to sit, listen, quiet, and rise.

 

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2 thoughts on “SPEAK

  1. Kathy says:

    I lived like that and guess what – cancer invaded. You gotta’ live what’s true and I’m STILL learning. It’s life long.

  2. Kathy says:

    You do share yourself and your ego isn’t in your way. You are giving and real and that’s what I love about you but you do need to serve self some or you won’t have it to “give”. I’m so not into egotistical folks!

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